Monday, December 29, 2008
Some thoughts on mothering...
Time goes so quickly~ TOO quickly often, when it comes to raising your children! Most days, I don't think about how much they have grown, how much they've changed. I think it is something I should consider much more often! :) But there ARE those times when my son will come and (willingly!) give me a hug, and it strikes me that he is getting SO tall! Or my middle child will be telling me something that happened at school, and all of a sudden, it is like I am seeing her with new eyes~ and it's as if she looks older than even the night before! Oh, and our "baby" of the family~ how IS it that she is already in first grade? This intense consciousness of their growing up also hits me when I look back at old pictures or the old videos we took of them when they were younger~ and when I see them, it literally hurts my heart. I have decided that raising these children is indeed a bittersweet gift~ it is wonderful to watch them grow, yet it is bittersweet because I do know that someday, they will be all grown up. And that this~ the family we make right now~ will change. Ouch!
Our middle child, "Rose", turned ten years old this past Sunday, and we had so much fun celebrating her! I am so thankful for her. Most see her as very sweet and shy, which she is. Yet we as her family have the privilege of knowing how funny she is, how compassionate, and how kind she is to her sister and brother. She is the "Type B" personality "stuck" with four stressed out "Type As"~ and she is so patient with us! We are so blessed by her.
As her tenth birthday approached, I just wondered where all the time went. The sad thing is, if I'm completely honest with you, some of it was squandered on too much house cleaning and doing, doing, doing, versus being. Does anyone know how to stop being Type A? Any ideas would be incredibly valuable! (Wink, wink!) I have to constantly remind myself to stop and play, stop and give myself to them. I have the serving/working part down, like most all mothers. I get up and take care of them. But I want them to know who I am, and I want to always know who they are. I want to laugh with them more and worry less. To teach them things I know how to do (kids love this!). These are the things I thought of when I became a mother, not the "here's your snack, please brush your teeth, let me wash your face" things I do every day. Even though those are a huge part of parenting, I don't want to forget to enjoy being their mother too! But as I have said, I am a little bit of a workaholic, and very, VERY Type A. I think I need to be rewired or something. And then I do realize that these children are actually helping me to be a more Christ-like person. (Although it is a slow process!) Before having children, I thought my husband and I could "bless" our children with a loving home, and yet it hits me that I have been so blessed by them!
Well, if you're still here listening, I am truly amazed. These are just some ramblings of all that is going on in my heart right now...of who I hold in my heart right now.
Tomorrow I will probably promptly forget all of this. I will probably feel cranky at least once. I will probably sweep the kitchen floor too many times. I will still be me. But I guess they will still turn out all right, despite me! And I will have had the privilege of being their mom, as imperfect as I am. :)